The slight of light

As I sat up to watch the sky

With none but me to admire

The stars twinkled

The breeze tickled

The rivers of traffic dulled out

Soon the electric stream got cut out

There were the twinkles and the tree
With some rowdy suckers giving company

The trunks and twigs swayed to a tune

A tune that was slow as a hustling snail

If you blink, it is gone and lost

But my feet dance along to the rhythm unheard

The sound is loud and silent

The move is bold and invisible

The wait for the night to roll over

Give into the day reborn

Why does the breeze sway them here and there

Brings them back to the place they were at

To begin with. What cruel joke of what-ifs and

Maybes, I wonder

The lonely light pole, with no light

Stands there alone just like the other lit towers

What makes it more lonely than the other poles

Waiting for something to change and brighten.

If only it knew, the light is still there, waiting

Not outside, but within.

Here comes the moon, shining with borrowed glory

Borrowed you say. Everyone borrows,

You ignorant watcher on the terrace

If only you knew what's beyond the slight

The stars twinkled

And the breeze spelled the rest.

Experiment 5 - So, what's new?

Everything can be changed. Some things take more time than others. Like all things, the place you inhabit can also be changed. The things you do. The things you want. The things you need. Or let me put it the other way, everything changes even if you want or don't want them to change. It is only a matter of time changing the value of the things or the things themselves.

Does one live for the sake of change? Or can change be controlled? It matters not where the change came from, only what the change is. Change is good, things could get better in the view of certain parameters. Or they could go downhill. Not that downhill is a bad thing, especially when you are on a bicycle trying to reach downhill. Unless you don't know how to maneuver over the steep.

So if the change itself is not a good or bad thing, then what am I even talking about? The parameters. That's what makes or breaks thing. What are the parameters we are measuring or even aware of? There are a million parameters, but are we taking it all in when we evaluate our feelings? Nope. Only ones that have an immediate effect in our foreseeable future. In my radar.

So how do you handle the change? Stop handling it. Let the change change. And hopefully adapt, and probably evolve. Change again. Change offers opportunity to change. If you want to know more you know where to look. Yes, that's right. Now start reading the post from the beginning to understand what change is about.

OK. You have read it, and hopefully you are still with the post, then let's move on. Why do changes happen? Why do you move at the precise moment you actually did? Why do things fall apart exactly at the moment they do? Why not an instant before that? Why do things start falling into place at the exact moment they do? Why?

Well. Us humans, we are great exponents of the art that is hindsight. Mind you, hindsight is an important tool in the science of deduction and helps build foresight and predictability to systems. But it is all too very easy to take the superficial parameters to make sense of a situation and ignore possibly game-changing parameters. It is easy to wrap it in our heads. Captain Hindsight.

Delving into the hindsight of things proves useful when we try to correct something, not to find a reason of why it happened. When the purpose is education, it serves a great deal. Other purposes have not been helpful, if not damaging. So why do changes happen? Because they do. Find out the reasons only if you wish to learn something. For reasons other than education, I wish you the best, because you will need it. Sometimes you may find yourself, sometimes you might find what you are looking for (Eg: A sense of justification).

So, what's new with you?

P.S: The "author", i.e me, is getting used to changes. So time for him to change. Feel free to amend my "theory" if you feel so.

Experiment 4 - A theory in uncertainty (Part 1/2)

"Pidippu".

An argument. The world around us tends to supply us an increasing amount of Uncertainty. The things we do, from practicing a "good" diet, a particular academic qualification, the slurred "r"s in your pronunciation, cultivating a fashion sense, or innate "altruism". These steps are taken as measures against this uncertainty. To get control over certain aspects of life. The insurance premiums that we pay, the homes we build, the perfume we wear. All aimed to get a certainty over uncertainty.

In short, one can presume that uncertainty scares us. Some believe that uncertainty can harm, so not taking adequate measures is madness. Some believe it is a part of life, and try living with it.

Science gives us a methodology to counter uncertainty, by understanding its nature and hence using it for some purposeful existence. Religion has its own way of interpreting it, leading to faith and belief. Philosophy aims at reaching an absolute "truth" that is irrevocably certain. Perhaps different means to the same end?

This causes a wave of cackle and shock aimed at me, for comparing the three in the same vein. At this I request you to listen first, not believe. Science has its own sets of priests to call "blasphemy" at anyone who suggests anything vaguely opposing the base principles of Science. Religion has always drawn flak for the "call" methodology employed by its disciples. But at least, my head is still on my shoulders, so thank you Science.

There is an innate need for us to feel certain or try to achieve certainty. Even though we sure do know that there are factors that cannot be certain. It can be drawn that, "nature" or "whatever" that is around us, is pushing Uncertainty to us. So why do we fight this force that is the most ubiquitous (I venture to say). This need is what we call "pidippu" in Tamil. Something to hold onto. Grasp.

Where does the "pidippu" come in all of us? I wondered. Why do we feel the need "to need"? I took a wild shot. Survival. The animal instinct. Something that is base. Something that is common between a human infant and a bacteriophage, a sewer rat and a mountain lynx. It brought upon another thought. Is this really the "noble" cause that everyone is working towards? Doesn't sound noble to me. It is the base instinct encoded in our genome. Everyone has it. Some realize, others do not.

At times this "pidippu" becomes the only thing that enables people to do things they need to. Motivation. Without it, there is no more "you" or "me". The need consumes the person so much so that you are your need. And without a need, you are nobody.

This is a thought in progress. Thank you for the patience if you have got to this line. More on this soon.

A Christmas tryst

So there I was. Standing alone on the rink of the balcony. Squinting into the horizon filled with the hot and happening of Mumbai. Exaggeration? Only a little. There were bright lights and enough noise to fill a cup. Lots of people walking by, looking, buying and selfieing. And I was watching them do those things. A few moments pass like that. I got a tap on the shoulder from a random dude. I responded. He pointed to the ground. There was a folded up currency note. I bent down to get a closer look. It said 1000 Rupees.

Random dude - "Is that yours?"
Me - "No, I don't think so." *Picking up the note*
Random dude - "Really? Are you sure?"
Me - "No, I don't think so." *Handing the note back*

Random dude points me in the direction of a staircase. On the top, there is another random dude. Holding his phone up, pointing towards my direction.

Random dude - "You were part of a social experiment. You were honest! Congratulations."
Me - "Ok. Nice"

I smiled and waved to the camera. Then I went back to my people watching business. Looks like I am a pretty decent human being after all. Honest and all. My mom was right all along, I AM special. This is proof. You know, that warm fuzzy feeling. Like hot tomato soup with pieces of toast.

But as usual, my mind did a back track, and what I realized gave me a bit of sweet shock. Here is the revisited version.

So there I was. At the Palladium mall in Mumbai. Christmas time and I hadn't had any bakery products. The first patisserie I chanced upon, I barged in. Shooed away the girls ogling the shelves and placed my order. One Belgian Chocolate cupcake. For immediate consumption. Paid for it. Got the cup cake. Hovered around for a vacant spot on the balcony rink. There was lots of space. I was looking at the people standing below. Slowly opening up the wrapper around the cupcake.

Then I get a tap on the shoulder from a guy. My impulse was to respond and resume ASAP. The Random dude pointed out to the ground. There was a currency note. All folded up and scrunched.

I didn't care. I had a cupcake in my hand that needed my immediate attention. Besides I had just emptied my purse at the counter.

Me - "No, I don't think so". Carefully balancing the cupcake in one hand, picked up the note.
Random dude asks again - "Really? Are you sure?"
Me - "No, I don't think so". Let's get a move on. Please. Just take the note and go. Even if it is not yours. Cup. Cake.

Random dude points me in the direction of a staircase. Now what? I have to turn? On the top, there is another random dude.

I understood the situation. I had just shown someone honesty. Inadvertently. Just smile and wave. Act natural. Smile. Wave. Cupcake.

Smiled, waved and cupcake! I didn't bother asking any details. Just turned and stuffed my face into the creamy, chocolatey goodness of the Belgian people. Sweet Baby Jesus, that hit the spot!

If anyone happens to see my honesty chops in action, I blame it on the Belgian Chocolate cupcake. A little bit me, but mostly the cupcake.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you.

Note to self: Never make conversations with a cupcake in hand.

Experiment 3 - The nightmare at 3:15

"What gets you to sleep at night?", somebody asked. I remember the first time I was asked that. That was a long time ago. But I am not ready to answer that. What wakes me up is more answerable.

A couple of months back I changed a couple of things in my bedroom. Then I started having a cluster of bad dreams. When I was discussing this with my boss, he suggested that the direction could have an effect on your brain activity and sleep cycles. So I was curious to find out more.

So I did some research. Does direction impact the nature of dreams? Are dreams supposed to wake you up from your sleep? Can you focus your mind to dream the kind you want? This is my experiment with sleep and how seemingly unrelated/related things affect the nature of dreams/nightmares. Below are a few of my observations.

Direction - West to East
Tiredness - Very tired. 4-5 kms jog/cycle around 9-10 PM
Sleep start - Around 12:30 AM - 1 AM
Rituals - Brush teeth, under sheets

1. Cycling along the side of a cliff and suddenly losing control and falling off it. Then I wake up from the fall
2. Jobless, totally broke. Everything I have is obsolete followed by cacophonic laughter from nowhere. Then I wake up
3. Slowly drowning by hanging upside down into a pool of water. Then I wake up gasping and looking around
4. Accidental pipe leak on the runway just when the jet is about to take off from the point. I am at the ground trying to fix it. The time is running out, the jet is getting closer. Then I wake up.
5. Lost my legs, both of them, a blast perhaps. Had to amputate. Now couldn't walk, or do anything without help. Then I wake up with a cold sweat
6. Beating a friend to a pulp thinking him to be an impostor, but he is not. Left how it could have happened, trying to make sense. Then I wake up
7. I killed someone in the past and I cannot get over it. If I agree to it, I cannot live peacefully. If I don't get jailed, I cannot be who I am. Guilt wrecks the mind. Then I wake up
8. Feeling that someone is watching me sleep, but obviously nobody. But then again I should just check. Then I wake up

All these dreams happen around 2-3:30 AM. Then I wake up. More often I remember seeing the time as around 3:15 AM on my phone. Then I sleep again, the tired kind of sleep where I don't remember anything.

Direction - East to West
Tiredness - Very tired. 4-5 kms jog/cycle around 9-10 PM
Sleep start - Around 12:30 AM - 1 AM
Rituals - Brush teeth, under sheets

No clues of any dreams. Pleasant or unpleasant, none of them were potent enough to disturb my sleep and wake me up.


My observations are inconclusive. Is it my subconscious mind fighting the battles my conscious mind doesn't want to? But why is the direction affecting it? There are a few more patterns to try out before attempting an explanation. This could just be a whim waiting to be brushed off. Or is it? Intriguing. This experiment is far from over.

So now, I ask you, my reader, a borrowed question. What keeps you up at night?

P.S: Some disturbances and interferences have been there, but ignoring that sort.

The problem with getting used to

Once upon a time I couldn't stand sitting in a car. Literally speaking, that's still true. But that is not what I meant. I used it figuratively. The closed doors. The unnecessarily muffled sounds. The used up air. Ugh. It made me sick. Never able to be in the car without all windows down. A/C? What A/C? I am struggling to breathe and you need A/C? Get out of the car! But I am getting too ahead of myself as most of the time it was "Let me out, just let me out!!".

Motorcycles. Ah, now that's more like it. Wind on my face. Arms flailing about any which way. Hair bike styled, standing there, with the dust, browning from the sun. Raising my perceived height by a few inches (or so a friend proclaimed after finding I was taller than her). Face parched from the lack of moisture. And yes, there were bugs. The first rain drops of the monsoon drenching everything but the steaming silencer. Twisting and turning in every nook. Stop where you wanted. Park wherever.

Now. In the car, I can hear myself think while driving. I can hear ear-busting music while driving. I can sing and shout at the top of my lungs! All that without the worry of consuming a new species of buzzing arthropods every time my buccal cavity is exposed. Significant reduction in chances of physical harm. And it has space. Think of all the things that can be done in that space. Yes, it curves, it purrs, it rages. Spoiling me. A few things amiss, Hair lost its stand, it just lazes around above the brow. The tan slowly fading away. Waiting in traffic! Damn high beams!!

Again, motorcycles. This time. They have 6 gears in a bike. WTH! KTM Duke 390. Whattay bike. The roaring blare of the engine. The pull back of the throttle. Wow! It scared the shit out of me. This felt like riding a cheetah through a jungle of puddles and bushes. Alas, it was only a test drive. Night driving took the fear to a whole new level. Could barely see anything in front of me, let alone the guy who just jumped out of nowhere to cross the road! Brake, please. I hit the break and it stops, where is the seat belt on this thing?? I forgot you can bend it around the obstacle. "Be like water" as Bruce said. I think he meant it for bikes. The rush blunted the chilly gust of Physics. Blindly curving hoping there would be no potholes.

The problem with getting used to is, it will also be gotten used to, and so forth.

P.S: It was Hero Honda CD 100 passed on to from my cousin to my dad to me, and now she rests with the mechanic, the only person who could service her needs. Forgive any exaggerations.

Experiment - 2: Give up or

Always wonder what makes one hold on to things. People. Places. How difficult it is to let that last morsel of adhesive, hinged by an inch. The joint is the only thing that keeps you together. Or so it makes you feel like, at least at that time.

If it comes undone, will it throw you overboard? Things haywire. Messed up. Everything going whichever way. The incoming currents leaks up way too faster than your hands can do to chuck it out. The rocks. The winds. Everything looks like it is out there to get you. And sure as hell, they greet you with their wicked grins. All you want to do is look for something to hold on to. Grab. Gnaw. Scratch. And when it gets calmer, you wonder, is that really going to save you? Then at the slightest shudder, hold on tighter. Run, looking for cover, for the next cooling zone. Wait until you can move to the next. Do you feel tired? Yes, you always feel tired. Tired of what is about to come, what is coming and what has gone past. Look for a poison, taking prescribed amounts just so that the silence gets less deafening.

Or... will it liberate you? Opening you to the world you don't know of. Things much clearer than they used to be. Pits you don't want, get filtered out at the top, leaving only an amalgam of rapturous emotions, to drown you. You float under the sun. Catching it with whoever cares to share. Moving, but unmoving. The sunlight doesn't blind you. Neither does the thunder rumble within you. There is only the search. No, not for an answer, the answer lies in the search itself. Run as fast you can. With no destination. Stop when you are tired, take in the high. Nothing to look for, there is no wait, because most of the things are now. Some things are going to be. You don't have to wait for anything. Everything you need is right there for your taking.

How long do we try not to give up? How long do we wait till letting go?

To complete the title, do you give up on something or do you let go of something? Some decide to give up, some to let go. Only time knows the entirety. Choice.

Stop-Start

Stop-Start

He says -
If my eyes glance upon your bright iris,
travel down your slender nostrils,
to the gap between your flush lips,
would you stop me?

If my shoulders grazed your sultry arms,
inch on under your uncovered biceps,
nudging into your silken skin,
would you stop me now?

If my palms brush your tarsals,
on towards the wedges of your calves,
back around your steaming thighs,
would you stop me now?

If my fingertips cruised along your perfect waist,
tracing a line through your tumultuous curves,
on the way, prodding the tips of your soft bosom,
would you stop me now?

If my lips slid down your well-marked neck,
flirting to sneak into the valley below,
snailing its way down to the vast, the paradise,
would you stop me now, though?

She says -
My dear,
why all this talk about stopping,
when all I am thinking,
why do you not start now?

Ready for life

So you start your day, everyday, there is traffic, some bug in iOS(damn you Apple), trouble staying awake at work after lunch, getting back sometime the same day, etc. Every day ordeals these.

This post is not about my or your everyday ordeals but what I saw today.

There was a girl. She looked at us. She couldn't stop looking at us. As if we had something that she wanted. So bad. The neglect. The utter expression of "why me?". Why can't I have what you have? She wants a normal life. A father, a mother, a place. A home with some warmth. She was surrounded by the same people everyday, spent most of her life with them. Yet she is as alone as anyone else in the room. Her eyes spoke what she could not. Her eyes beheld the tears within. Just a tinge, and there would be a deluge. Ah, the misery of youth. The torment of being a child unknown. What do you say when she says "Thank you"? "You are welcome" does a gross injustice to her gratefulness.

There were others. Some aware, most unaware. Too busy about how to use their fists to get some food into their gullets. What must be pain to them, I wonder. What must be joy. Yes I saw them laugh. They smiled back, they waved back. Coyly. A sheepish grin follows. And a twirl of the spinal cord. Then back to the dinner plate.

And there was another. I don't know how old she was. She looked small. But I could still see the years, they have been cruel to her. When we talk, she looks. Looking for dissent, searching our faces for what the exchange happening in our cold cruel tongue. But we smiled back, she tried. But she knew we knew she knew. She wished us a good night. And straddled away into her silence.

I feel I have a strong receptor for pain and my mind resonates with that pain when it is found. While moving among a crowd, I can see the pain meter radiating out of the crowd, and the empathy streams in like a gush of water released from a dam. And the cold sweat, a churn in the underbelly and a swallow of meaningless air. Waiting for the feeling to just wash over and leave me back. Yes, leave. Pain can carry one away, to a point where there is no pit deeper, no tundra colder, no vacuum more choking and no silence more stifling. Words are difficult to come by in these times. There is an absorption, a wait and an expulsion. The expulsion is key. Else I will be anchored there.

No, what I feel is not my pain. I am not sure my pain matters. But there was some light today. Illuminating the stony shadows. Some were, you could say callously, "ready for life". They do what is the most revered service to anything divine. Serving another being, nourishing them, caring for them till they can stand on their own. I wonder what gave them these superpowers. Then I was reminded, these people were in the same state what I see of the young ones now. Yes, hope. Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption. Everyday ordeals melted. I could see the glimmer of the ray that made these girls smile. And live. And have a life that is almost "normal".

Yes, this date, ten years back is blurring, as the rivers flow,  the forests burn and the stars die. I have no cognizance of the duration of the events. But my vision is clear as ever through this haze of time. Soon I will forget today's eyes, today's glances, today's waves, and start drowning in my pains and pleasures. But tonight I am going to let the glimpses stay a little longer, let it ebb and flow over me. Wash me over. Again and again.

P.S: Not much fiction, but there is little where facts are not necessary.

The first stint

My first stint. At trying to build something **officially**.

In the summer of 2001, my friends and I dabbed at the artists within. We tried our own comic series. This was no ordinary comic book series. There were three superheroes, not one. Venom, created by Sai Krishna, inspired from the Batman by Bob Kane. The Dark Knight, origins unknown, created by a friend(who unfortunately got mixed up in the mandatory class sections change of '02). And the Black Scorpion, the self-taught superhero, created by me.

Venom - in a doodle by Sai

But truth be told, Venom had the deepest back story and set of villains than any other. So the other two became natural selections to form a trio of superheroes. I promise to upload more pics as and when I get them.

Our first release came after the class shifting, and thats how Rex And Yellow Cloud was born. Co founded by Sai Krishna and me, co-chaired by Sai's brother Sai Prasanna. The moment was christened with a marble in which was written "SAI ARAVIND" for our club in Sai's terrace, till date the headquarters of our foundation. We even had a flag and a emblem of sorts flying high on the terrace.

I think we successfully published three editions under our new club. The comics sold like hot cakes. Classmates, section-mates were starting to hear about us. But unfortunately we couldn't scale to the demands of printing out comic books for 50p a side to many people. So we went in with our next idea which was rooting in our minds.


Dragonball Z. Nuff said. That was a fanatic pull for any kid. Still is for many. Luckily for me, Sai already knew the whole storyline and knew the characters by heart. So obviously, I made Sai tell me the whole storyline before the show was aired, in India that is. Till date, I have no clue how he had access to that and more important remember every single detail. Literally. Sai was the artist. I was kinda sloppy at art.(Still am, not good, not bad, just sloppy ;))

We started off with simple trading cards with ever-"green" characters :) - Goku(obviously), Gohan, Piccolo, Vegeta, Krillin, etc. We started with original proofs. Then photocopied and colored and did the finer details. From our earlier experience from the comic strips, each cards was priced 50p. So this time, each work paper resulted in 6 * 50p in earnings. We had an awesome formula! Our standard card had one artwork, details like name, power level, power ups and ki waves. Each special power came in a smaller card which can be combined with the standard card to get increase the power level of the attack chosen. Yup we had a game plan :D

Next, we brought in our next wave of characters. Characters kids hadn't heard of yet, but seen on their prized Dragonball Z pencil boxes. Yes Frieza, Cell, Trunks from the future, older Gohan, Goten, baby Trunks, Gotenks, Vegetto, Gogeta, Buu, every one! Hot cakes to smoking meteorites. The demand grew so high that we spent most of our weekends and evenings getting the cards ready.

Soon we had packs to make it easier to buy the cards. I don't remember the numbers, but the club was busy almost everyday after school to satisfy its customers. Then we wanted something more challenging, and new.

Candles. Play dough. Figurines. We had a stock of original Dragonball Z character figurines. we thought we'd share them with the world. For a nominal price of course ;). So the three of us, under the water tank built up an assembly line. The "business process" is as below :)

1. Take the dough, make it flat
2. Press the figurine against the dough to get a deep and clean impression
3. When enough impressions were ready, light the candle. Hold it over the dough until enough wax has melted into it. Then let it dry. 
4. Once dried, carefully apprise the wax figurines out of the dough using a compass or divider. Clean as necessary.
5. Ready for sale!

Note: I tried to replace the play dough with real dough(the ones you make roti with). Failed. Real bad. The consistency of the dough was not good enough. Probably not enough water. Plus it starts to get fungus in a few days :(

The figurines gave Rex and YC the biggest ticket to fame. There were kids who couldn't believe such things were possible. They came to me looking to verify what they heard about our "product". Kinda of flaring, but we showed them. Those were good times.

Our operations came to a halt when I had to move in '04. But till then it was one adventure after the other. There were lots of skills acquired, negotiations made, new avenues explored and a whole lot of accidents!

We had a lot of accidents The worst accident I can remember of,
On a work break, we decided to play some basketball. And we broke the water pipe in the terrace. The whole building's water went dripping away. Soon we did build our rep enough to get the terrace permits back. But that was one loong day.

Why Rex? - Ask my co-founder. Why Yellow Cloud? Clouds in yellow color are rare and close to impossible to find. What did we do? We tried to channel our passion and creativity to make some moolah so that we can buy stuff! Financially, our books were bad. We didn't know where the capital had leaked off to. The profits, if any, were hidden behind a veil, so don't know if it existed even.

Looking back, one might feel that sometimes things are bad, other times things are very bad, most of the time things are extremely bad, a little time they are tolerable and a very fractional amount of time things are agreeable. This was about one such agreeable period. I have to thank Sai a million times over, and it still won't be enough.


P.S: The post is full hyperbole and "business", I know ;). Possibly contains many historical inaccuracies, thank you for bearing with that.

Going gaga

Whats this about? No, this is not about Lady Gaga. She is weird. Anyway going gaga, you go gaga, everyone does. About what though? Some about money, beauty, complexity, simplicity, etc. People do that over the silliest of things. But why is that going to interest you? Heck, why would I be interested in it even? You take interest in it only when you are in, what-they-call-it, deep shit. You simply roam around places you wouldn't normally, do stupidest things. And not realize that, in fact, you are making a big dummy of yourself. But most of all, it's going gaga over someone else that tops. For some, money might be everything. For a few, a glance is all that matters. And you start building wonders, ones the world will never see, in the air. Huge monuments that weigh over every ounce of common sense you (might) have. The choices you make with such heavy things floating above your head is anything but intelligent. It would seem THE BEST thing that you could possibly do in the circumstances. But actually, you are just waiting for reasons to jump back into the wonder you built.

Dreams are good. Daydreams - that's a sign of a loose screw up-top, or say they say. Taking-off from reality to your Wonderland with you welcoming yourself at its doorsteps. Sometimes reality is too depressing to live in. Killing time, doing nothing, just let the time float away idly. But anyway going gaga is something everyone would have done, and everyone, well at least most of them, would at one point quit it saying "Enough with this already, I have a life to live" and go into another daydream. Just kidding. It sucks. No point blaming it though, Reality is what it can be, and it is trying very hard to get back in your good books.

Life is a series of daydreams, at the beginning of each there is a placard saying "This is it!". I have already mentioned the end, if at all there is one. Dreams you sleep in them, daydreams you live through them. Going gaga over things is fine because, it never hurts. I could be wrong, you go gaga over the wrong thing when with the wrong people, boy does it hurt. But not directly anyway, so I am right. Take it for granted that once you go gaga, you go goo-goo-ga-ga, nothing adult about that. It will bring out the child in you, who may not be as well-behaved as you "are". A bad end to that fantasy will mostly result in an explosion of that knowledge to many people you may need to be with in the future. That's not comforting, is it? But, nah, who cares. Some people think they are really careful with the choices of what to go gaga on. They could either, be tormenting themselves from within or actually be really smart people. You don't get that sorta people around here often, do we? You get a different kind of smart in real life, the ones with an ass at the end. I am digressing. To go gaga or not go gaga, that is the question. If you want an answer for that, you are looking in the wrong place. Some good things do come out of these gaga-isms. You get to know who you are, what you are made of, etc. kind of stuff. In a way, your passions define who you are. The choices you make are governed by that part of the brain which houses the gaga-isms. If you went gaga over a girl/guy once, it will happen twice. If it happened twice, then it would happen again. (weak ripoff, couldn't help myself ) If you went gaga over a thing, nobody cares, do what you want with it. So if you are gaga about someone or something right now, always good to re-think. And what have you learnt from this post? Nothing again.

P.S: You ask why I say "You" alone all the time? Yeah, fine, fine. We. Happy?

P.P.S: If you thought this "P.S" is just some random afterthought of mine, well.... you are right. ^_^

P.P.P.S: On a serious note, "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D.Salinger is a book in which you bring in nothing, you take out nothing.

New turns on the road..

So the long road unwinds with a twist here and a bend there. I thought why not bend it as much as possible. Squeeze the life out of the road before it gets to you and does you in. And so I landed up at a completely new set up. Somewhere secluded, but connected all the same. Things seem a lot more interesting now, lots of x's waiting to fall into place and annotate the road map. The sense of adventure should never die out. It shows what life could be instead of what it is. Then you can follow it, and who knows your "could-be" might become your "is". But as with difficulty, it is going to be so, no comfort zones. When you are thrown into the wild rawness, there is no place for you to hide. Your true colors show up no matter what clothes you wear or how you look. This is rawness. Stripped to the core. You get to know who you are, whether you are who you think you are or maybe you just like the idea of who you could be and used to that. When you pursue something you know, is going to change you, you will feel that every second is a little less than an actual second. Every breath feels like a lot more of air in it. Every thought is amplified with millions of possibility. All culminating at your discovery of self. Consider your mind, you get a few hundred parallel thoughts, each creating sub-thoughts and flows, criss-crossing the neural, all trying to find a solution to the same problem. You can get so many options, that you can afford to keep other solutions for later. These solutions then add to your map where your conquest takes you. In search of internal glory, something that other people can or will never understand, same as you won't understand so many things in this world.

But what's in a road you may ask? Road stands for a link: A link between two places - From: the place where you "were" and To: the place you "will be". The road in such a case becomes you "are". The road is the present, because there will always be a "will be"(pun intended). There are stark revelations to be made at every one of these corners, the road never ends, the road will never get tired. The only thing true about the road is that it will be with you all the way and that will be the only thing you truly can call yours in this world. 

"Co-incidence is Jo-incidence with a 'c'". That's what co-incidence is, a joke. Laugh when you get it, move on if you don't. Paulo Coelho says in his book "The Alchemist" - "When you really want something, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true". May be true ,may not be true. Reading omens is different from waiting for one. It's just a method to understand the situation. That is always needed.

Adventure is always a harbinger of both pain and joy. The road ahead will be difficult, challenging and always taunting that you cannot do it. With the right support from the right people at the right time, truly it would be a complete adventure. Some times bending a road might fragment it, but only to join back at the end. In those times, a lot of self-confidence is going to be helpful, but really I don't have too much of it. I guess I will have to toil through.

It's a feeling of incomparable measure when you first look out into the ocean, trying to find the end of the horizon, trying to get a glimpse at the other side. It's not joy, it's not pain, just pure adventure. That's the feeling when I type this. I have taken this road. Others do ask me "why this", "why not do that", "why not do something from where you are". To them I say, "That's the way my road goes, and I will follow that". There is another poem that has affected me ever since I came to understand it,

"If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster 

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, 

broken,And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

 And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,'

 Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!"

"If" by Rudyard Kipling.

More about it in my next post. Bye till then.

P.S: Read aloud the poem to yourself, rather than reading silently. You will note a difference :)

The eternal war

"Who are north indians?

Who are south indians?

What about the remaining people?!?!"

- Anonymous.

Ah yes, the eternal war. Who is better, North Indians or South Indians? First let us define who and what are north Indians. The average Indian's dictionary defines a North Indian as "anyone who does not live in the following states - Tamil Nadu, Kerala, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka(except people from Bangalore, they are practically North Indians landlocked from their homeland)". And do a boolean ! with India as the sample set, you get the South Indian definition.

So what about the West Indians and the East Indians? Don't they get a chance to fight in this war and get a stake on "the Glory"? Nope, you are all North Indians no matter how east-ish or west-ish you are, no questions asked. And South Indians, you fight between yourselves. Go to Tamil Nadu, people from Kerala and AP are idiots and vice versa. I mean why the discrimination, you are all South Indians, why can't you be united? Maybe they haven't got the new version of the average Indian's dictionary yet.

The war:

It's been going on for a while, I don't know how long. Long long ago, very long ago, well whatever. It stems from parents teaching their kids not to hang out with those kids, "they are not good for you". Goes either way. One knows Hindi, the other does not. One really bad thing about South Indians, they try a lot. They'd rather be a northie than a southie. A northie goes to Tamil Nadu, he/she would speak Hindi and get his/her way through. You know why? The southie would learn Hindi by then!! Same thing, a southie goes to some of the "northern" states, same thing happens, the southie would learn Hindi by then! Yup we scoff at people who are different from us. In movies, the southie movies make fun of northies mis-pronouncing southie language. Shahrukh would go do a "Enna rascala!", and northies go thats what southies do, why din't I know that before. Giving everyone an image, or rather a stereotype. This fuels the war and keeps it going. A northie gang would not induct a southie without the southie making sacrifices, and vice versa and so on.

Another point of exclusivity, any one person from the South of India can be called a Madrasi. That I never get, because there are other cities too! Same way, a Bengali is completely different from a Punjabi, so no point considering them in the same category.

If you want to find differences, don't take the people, take the food. You love different cuisines because they are "different" from your routine. Personally, the food is more important than the people in the locale. No one is going to stop me from eating Bengali Raskadam, Punjabi Butter Chicken, Tamil Paper Roast, Idli Sambhar, Dilli Aloo tikki, Mumbai Vada pav just because I have a problem with some person. By nature, Culture breeds uncultured people. Fight the opinion, not the region, cos its the home of delicacies you have always liked. Let food be your guide.

Differences are the only thing we have, why waste it and try to get the same old stuff from everyone?

P.S: I started writing this a very very long time ago, added the last three blocks recently. But just finished, or tried to, so forgive for the lack of flow.

If Ambiguity was a person...

Have you wondered how it will be to have Ambiguity as a person around you? You would be in a woozy world where you don't know what anything means. Consider that you meet Ambiguity at a party unexpectedly:

X: Hey Ambig, what are you doing here? I din't expect to see YOU here.

Ambig: I don't know, what are you doing here?

X: I came because Y called me over. (Then kicks himself in the shin for telling it). Anyway what are you doing here?

Ambig: Ok. Hey look that's the sky, this is the ground. See you around!

X: Ok........... Ok........ Well, good to know that........... Bye!? *_#

Ambiguity will leave you flabbergasted. You know why? He/she would get all the information from you and give you nothing but vagueness without you having a clue of it. Beware of Ambiguity, you never know what it really means. It will hit you like a runaway truck hitting a frog, but as soon as you turn around, it's gone. Gone baby gone! The best part: You can never get back at Ambiguity, because you never really know what it meant o_0

P.S: The author is a staunch follower of Ambiguity and it's principles, hence the post.

Things as they are

Have you seen people talk about their lives? Have you seen people actually live their lives? Nah, who cares right. But come again, people talk about their lives, forget it, people just talk, we listen, and then we realise something. That discomforting feeling does come knocking. Yes, judgement. Any living human with an able mind judges anything given to it at lightning speed. Because that's what the mind was built for, processing whatever it senses! Heck leave listening to people, you are doing it while reading this. Now comes the tricky part, how does one not show his/her real judgement and try to coerce a feeling to the other person that he/she needn't worry about that judgement. That would come handy when someone asks for a definition of "Politeness" - State of mind where your actions are exactly contradictory to your thoughts. When you don't, you just are really really, I mean really, rude. There is a state even beyond the regular judgement. It is called prejudice. We all do it. Tiny, but existent. The whole civilization is based on showing a masked reaction to everything that happens. That's social norm. And by judgement, it can be a good one or a bad one. But people as such tend to peep into good ones as if that's the best possible thing in the world. What if it is wrong? What if I am wrong? What if everything is wrong?

We still have to live the same way as we used to because we used to? I am not the best judge of it perhaps, hence that is a question best left to be answered by each individual. Nah, this ain't no philosophy. Just a little pondering. Chaotic at that. Like every other post of mine, you come with nothing, you go with nothing after reading it.

To IPL, with love

To KTK,

Thanks for reminding Kochi is in Kerala. Again.

To PWI,

Thanks for reminding Pune is in India. Has been a revelation to many, they were looking at the other part of the globe. Dumb idiots eh..

To MI,

At first I din't think they were all Indians. But now I can't deny the fact that they are Indians. Justified.

To CSK,

Ever heard of mind-blasting from Russel Peters? You must try it. "Super" = mind blowing. "Kings" = fantastic. "Super" + "Kings" = Mind-blasting!

To RCB,

Dear Mr.Mallya, thanks for reminding me of your brand, I keep forgetting it. But then I remember your team name, and voila I get your brand name. Real smart move!

To KXIP,

While others stopped at 3 letters, you went ahead with 4. Leaving everyone else in a dilemma - K-X-I-P or K-Eleven-P or Kings-XI-P or Kings-Eleven-Punjab?? Nah you made them all call you by your full name. No other team has achieved this!

To KKR,

Rather SRK, you missed the plot. What has been consistently making a hit for SRK? "Rahul, naam to suna hoga?" If not a Rahul at least a Raj.

To DD and RR,

How do I put it.... Hmmm.. You guys are, you know, "different".

To DC,

Ambiguity has been your meaning and performance. Chargers. What could they mean? Do they "charge ahead" or "charge/electrify the field" or simply "charge money"??

Sad life Pathetic life Happy life

Sad Life:

SadGuy has the worst luck in life with things not going his way. Not even a little bit. I mean if he wears sunglasses just because he felt like it, would by nature make it a rainy day, if not worse. So that person is really shattered at every step he takes.

Pathetic Life:

PatheticGuy has a few things worked out for him. But he never seems to be even a little satisfied with it. He finds that everything he does has no meaning in it for him. He would feel like he is an outsider. Always. No matter the number of hours/days/months/years he spends with someone, he always will feel like an outsider from the inside. He needs constant reassuring of his achievements, qualities, abilities and the whole parade.

Happy Life:

HappyGuy has a life similar to that of the PatheticGuy but he seems to be satisfied with what he has. And life, in terms, has been kind to him at times.

So what's it all about? When you think about it, it's all about perspective. You have a life, that is all. Happy, sad or pathetic, doesn't matter. There is something that can be called over-living, which is similar to over-engineering, opening up one's thoughts so recursively that there is no individual thought independent of itself. So there comes the wreck in to the picture. I mean what's the meaning of it? Nothing, you came, you went and obviously, you are gone now. If you can not make peace with your own head, well it's going to keep coming back with its angry retorts time and again. Like I say, "Just get it over with".

Well lookie what we have here...

Hey. Ever wondered why the sun rises in the east? Why not the west? Because someone didn't know that and someone else wanted to act smart, he called it the east. And the whole world believed him and still does. Mad world. Why couldn't the north be the south? And so on. Anyway I guess its always been the perspective. No one wonders these things nowadays, at least according to me, because it is taken for granted. The phrase "taken for granted" is a lethal weapon if given to the wrong hands. I mean literally. Even in the right hands it is a powerful one. All crap right.

This is the end. This is the start. This is everything. This is nothing. All paradox. Whats this world got to offer me? Or you? Or them? All of these are just questions. Stupid questions. With no answers. All crap again. Does this mean I am stupid? Maybe. Or maybe not.

The next part comes to languages. Just now one of my friends was telling me that I am wasting time by learning new languages when learning one is enough to get us through. True. What is the point I am trying to make by learning this new language? I can communicate effectively? Or just wasting time? What is it? Don't know any convincing answer. I see the practical uses very reduced since I know a few more languages. But what am I using it for? Same way. Why not learn a new language? It is knowledge. But will it be useful investing in? Am I the only idiot in this phase? I don't know that either. I am not promising a solution to this question either. So what is it I am presenting? The question obviously.

Whats the use of all this? All this media, broadcast? Criticism is a useful tool in making things obsolete. We need it to focus, but the same thing can stop us from doing essential things that make life worth living. But "make life worth living" can also be criticized and break down what we are trying to abstract from our regular thought cycle. Brooding into too many thoughts may lead to senseless exasperation. But thats just the side effect, the main effect is that we may start to question whatever exists, what may come to exist. What is the point? That will become our motto. The path ahead is bleak. It is hidden in a shroud of mist. The mist doesn't seem to be clearing. Do we let it cover our eyes or try to live in harmony with it? What's the way of life, there doesn't seem to be one way to it. There is nothing like it. I don't know. That's where our society comes in. Painting pictures for things we haven't experienced. Forming a prototype of things which were and which will be. Whole load of pointless nonsense to attain a state of supposed bliss. Either block the rest of the world which you really really don't care about except for argument's sake and get on with it. Things will go according to plan, things will fail. Because that's what the plan was in the first place. Anyway who am I kidding? Myself. And that's why the saying "Some people just don't get it" seems very appropriate here.

Music and Lyrics

Read the following story. "Once upon a time there was a small town boy. After he grew up he became a small town man". This is what happens in reality. You need to understand the pragmatic nature of situations. The way it is portrayed in writing is mostly fiction as the writer's thoughts adulterates the reality of the circumstance. Consider Romeo and Juliet, it may never have been two people like that in the history of the world. History is what the historian records. Who knows with what sincerity that record was written. We just believe that its true. Was there ever any love between Shah Jahan and Mumtaz? We may never know, or until some idiot comes up with a time machine, ruining everyone's lives. So what we do know is that somehow the historians seemed to consider that there was something huge.

Anyway, this was a really happening week at work. Some unknown old guy once told that "The unknown is always interesting". And it is very true. Just because it is not known completely, curiosity definitely killed the cat this time. Anyway I ll stop before I get any gentle thumping on my shoulders, if you know what I mean. This time I have been working for more than a fortnight on this specific post. Don't know why though. The intervals between my posts are so long that even I get bored of it. To write something, I need something to write. Wonder how I wrote my grad exams. Anyway need more excitement in life. New projects. Short term goals keep it fiery. Incidents, accidents anything would do. It's a pity that life has come to asking for such things.

Thats that for this post. I seriously need to post something interesting rather than this old boring **** next time.

P.S. Whoever said Hyderabad is a very hot place, climatically speaking, is a liar. Its cold. And I dont usually feel any kind of change in weather, so you can imagine the intensity of the cold wave.

The tale of two idiots + 1

This is the story of two people I heard speaking in the berth next to my train. I tried not to listen to them but I couldn't help it because it was a serious discussion about something. I was trying to read something and they were disturbing. Sorry for misinterpretations if any. For ease of use, I will refer to the guys as oldV and youngV.

OldV and youngV were sitting on the side berths of my railway compartment. They started off with the usual pleasantries, exchanging names, occupations, backgrounds. OldV, as the name suggests, was a middle aged man, or an old man posing so, working in some IT industry. The youngV was a late twenties or so from his hair which was quite losing its hold on his head. Then came the education background. The youngV was from mechanical engineering stream. The pride with which he was explaining the reason why he chose mechanical while all his friends were busy choosing the IT related streams, was, for lack of a better word, admirable. The reason was, well you know, the whole hook-line-and-sinker story. The way he was talking anyone in the world would be convinced. Even you-know-who.

The oldV was totally impressed by the youngV because of reasons unknown. Maybe he wasn't thinking, maybe he was just passing his time. After that point the conversation became sharper and aggressive. The reason was, in youngV's words, "Mechanical engineering offers more scope because, once you understand mechanical engineering, anything else in the world can be easily learnt. The IT related streams have no idea about anything other than their line of work. Mechanical engineering is more open. Mechanical engineering is............................................blah." The oldV was agreeing at every pause. Taking instances out of his life, explaining why more people should choose the mechanical stream and why people shouldn't fall for the IT stream. Then came up the same-old-story of the IT recession. Oh my god, haven't I heard enough already, was the ringing thought in my head. The IT industry is useless, unreliable and so on. Now if you ask me where the oldV and youngV were working, well don't ask, you already know the answer. I"T" was their stream after such rigorous discussion on why IT shouldn't be a career for people. To all of this I had to definitely say something, but I couldn't. So I am typing it out now.

First of all, you are a mechanical engineer, so? Big deal. In the end you are just a graduate with an engineering degree. If anyone thinks that their field of engineering is the best in the world, please don't tell it out and embarrass yourself, because in the end what you are learning is how to keep your mind open to engineer solutions rather than produce one out of thin air. If you haven't understood this point, I don't think you should be called an engineer in the first place. The engineering part of the mind is the one which makes anyone apply things from one stream of thinking to another. If you studied mechanical engineer for the scope, and working in an IT company, you could have very well taken any IT stream and done better. It's not the stream, it's person who matters more. That's why you are in IT stream in the first place. I guess not many realize it.

Coming to oldV's IT-recession-story, seriously I don't think this guy even thinks. How does an IT company, no, any company operate? Planning, design and whatever things that come after that. How much time does it take for one product cycle? For e.g. for a mechanical main stream company, such as automobile industry, it might take from a few years to few decades. So if there is any profit, it can be seen only after a considerably long period. Same goes for the loss. Take an IT company, the product cycle ranges from days to months and sometimes years. So the profit is seen almost instantaneously. Looks more attractive, people like youngV and oldV get pulled towards it. But the loss is also seen instantaneously. So? It doesn't mean it's the end of the world, it just means that you need more think-tanks to solve the crunch, than the metal-heads of production stream. So people get scared as rapidly as they got attracted and start counting their options. Like any industry, the IT industry will rise and fall and rise and so on. Doesn't make it any better than other industries. But not the worse either. So if you still feel that the IT industry is not reliable and big-negative-adjectives, you are in serious need of time to think for yourself. And even more if you are working in an IT company. At the end of the day, business is business, everything has loss and profit. Do not endorse such statements before thinking about them. Please. My humble request. So why the oldV and youngV are idiots is clearly understood I suppose.

Sorry for blunt and hot-headed remarks, if any. This is a serious issue and it needs to be addressed, and I have done it. It's time for you to do it as well.

P.S. You know, there is a third idiot in this tale. Thats me. Because I am typing all of this instead of saying it on the spot. So the experiment continues. I do not speak out too much. Why?